"Hi, Calgary - come on in! Great to see you guys! Food is in the kitchen and it's All You Can Eat, so go nuts! We have an open bar, too. Make yourselves at home. You want to score a shorthanded goal tonight? No problemo! Couple goals in the final minute of the period? Can do! Power Play goals? Hmm...I'm afraid we're out of those, but I'll tell you what: We'll let you score just seconds after the penalties expire. Will that work for you? Great! What's that? You've had too much to drink and want to shag my wife? Oh, what the heck - go for it! I'll drive you home afterwards!"
That, in a nutshell, was the game. If Columbus coach Scott Arniel had the ability to call up enough players, I could provide a list of (at least) nine forwards and five defensemen who earned themselves healthy scratches. Unfortunately, the Jackets play tonight in Chicago, so many players who don't deserve to will take the ice. On the upside, I fully expect a decent rebound tonight, as it's physically impossible for Columbus to play worse than they did last night.
This is the second burning bowel movement of a game the Blue Jackets have offered their home fans this young season. If they don't get it together, the only thing the team and their shrinking fanbase have to look forward to is the first overall pick in next June's entry draft.
Here endeth my rant (for today, anyway).
Take me back to On Goal Analysis.